tumblr i am glad that we can all agree that chris brown’s actions were inexcusable
now if you could start applying the same critical spirit to your favorite white dudes that would be great
the list goes on
women are treated like shit in this world
Chris Brown, he of beating up his girlfriend fame, performed at the Grammys last night. My immediate reaction to this is one of outrage, and I’m astonished at the lack of outrage there seems to be elsewhere. But then I find I second-guess myself - doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance? Isn’t Brown effectively just doing his job? Would a regular Joe on the street be expected to turn down work because he was ‘once’ a woman-beater?
I have to say, my gut reaction is to say HELL, NO to Brown getting any kind of respect, admiration or money in such a public way. I find it grotesque. Maybe he (and the Establishment) thinks that he’s paid his penance and this is his road to redemption. But I would be more willing to consider the thought of second chances and I would be more willing to give Brown the benefit of the doubt if the treatment of Brown since his incident hadn’t been so royally fucked up:
- Usher had to apologise for criticising Brown. Usher had to apologise for criticising Chris Brown.
- The internet, obviously home to the best and the worst of humanity, rushed to discuss what Rihanna may have done/said to provoke and deserve getting beaten by a boy.
- The producers of the Grammys, when discussing the fact they’d hired Brown for last night’s performance, said this: “We’re glad to have him back,” said executive producer Ken Ehrlich. “I think people deserve a second chance, you know. If you’ll note, he has not been on the Grammys for the past few years and it may have taken us a while to kind of get over the fact that we were the victim of what happened.”
He has done the interviews where he’s looked all sad and contrite, he’s said all the right words. But I don’t buy it. After doing the rounds of making his apologies with his big sad eyes and riding out the wave of condemnation, he had enough of discussing the violent anger problem that he apparently no longer had and proceeded to get violently angry in a TV studio.
I keep swinging between my gut instinct of severe distaste in seeing Chris Brown be admired, and thinking ‘what if he was my son/brother/partner/friend?’. I have fortunately never known domestic violence, directly or indirectly, so I can’t exactly comment on how the people that inflict physical pain on others ought to be treated. But I have and do know people (and I do mean men but I acknowledge there are women guilty of this too) that have been incredibly mentally abusive, incredibly cruel, mean, horrid people to somebody they love. The type of person that leaves you fearful, in pain, anguished and weak by the sheer force of their manipulative behaviour. And I have known those people to present such a different facade to everyone else, to be found fun and interesting, entertaining and humorous. And seeing them be admired and accepted and liked has made me cold to my core. But I have known some of those people to become aware of their toxicity, and try to change it. I have seen them apologise and seek treatment and redemption, I have seen them change before my very eyes. I have not been able to forget, but I have been able to forgive and I have wanted to forgive. That’s what we’re being asked to do with Chris Brown. In fact that’s what we’re being forced to do - the establishment has already welcomed him back with open arms.
For me, personally, it is way too much forgiveness and acceptance and admiration for Brown WAY too soon. I don’t believe he has changed, I don’t believe he respects the people that fear him and the millions of (mainly) women in the world who suffer at the hands of domestic violence. That is the thing that stops me from feeling generous or accepting towards him - I don’t buy it. And I am sickened and saddened but not remotely surprised that the music and entertainment industry - run, of course, largely by white males who appear to understand nothing of the issues involved here - has accepted him back with open arms, like some poor wayward soul that’s somehow been fucked around. He hasn’t been fucked around, he did wrong. He did majorly, majorly wrong, and he has done nothing to earn anybody’s trust or respect back.
We just had a meeting with our (probable) wedding photographer and whilst it was very useful and good and stuff it has made me P.A.N.I.C. big time. I feel exhausted and sick and shaky and I want to have a cry and a lie down. And the only reason I’m feeling so full of panic is because there is such an awful lot to organise, and I want to organise it NOW - I want to sort it and book it and pay for everything NOW and not have to worry about it for the next 10 months. But it aint gonna work like that. The whole process is going to muddle along in dribs and drabs whilst we wait for forms and documents and certificates to go back and forth and be legalised and be registered and be announced and oh my fuck. I’m going to go crazy. I just want all the legal stuff sorted NOW so I can start to organise all the other stuff - the venue, the food, the reception, the hotel.
This is a list of all the things that have to happen before I can do ANYTHING:
1. Get both of our birth certificates legalised (by sending our BCs to the UK, along with the right form filled in COMPLETELY correctly - if the form has a single mistake on it then they send it back and we start again)
2. Make appointment with the Gemeente (GBA) to provide said legalised forms and to make sure they have our correct address with the correct municipality.
3. Register with the Immigratie en Naturalisatiedienst (IND) by doing the following;
- Call them, make an appointment to see them
- They send a letter confirming the appointment which also includes the forms we have to fill in and the list of documents we will need to bring (which includes legalised Birth Certs and proof of Health Insurance)
- We go to appointment, if everything is present and correct then we will get our sticker in our passport, if anything is wrong we will have to start WHOLE THING AGAIN aargh
4. Register desire to get married with the GBA. This will require providing the following to them but I have no idea where or how we provide this stuff:
- Full legalised Birth Certs
- Extract from GBA declaring marital status and nationality
- Form ‘M46’(issed by IND, available from Stadhuis (town hall)
- Certificate of Civil Status and/or Certificate of No Impending Marriage (available from British Consulate - no idea where they are or how we get that. Apparently it is obtained after our Notice of Marriage has been displayed at the Consulate General for 21 days).
- Completed Witness forms (no idea where to find them)
5. Once documents have been presented to Stadhuis a date and venue can be officially selected.
6. Somehow find, then meet and book, the Ambtenaar (wedding official).
Never get married. Or if you do, just do a quick five minute registry job in your HOME COUNTRY.
The lack of control I have over all of this right now is making me feel sick :o(
Friends that have recently got married or are planning a wedding (anywhere): did you do all the official stuff first, before you booked a venue/celebrant/food/entertainment etc? Did you go insane?
The teen abortion rate in 2008 dropped to the lowest rate seen since 1972 at 17.8 per 1,000 teen girls and women, the analysis found, and was down 59 percent from 1988 when the abortion rate peaked at 43.5 per 1,000 teen women.
Catholic Church: your argument is invalid.
argumentrelevance is invalid, Catholic Church.
YOU DONT SAY