my tags for female characters I love are often like “my queen” and “actual goddess” but my tags for male characters I love are often “my baby” and “this child” because men are babies and women are ethereal beings
I'm thinking about experimenting with my gender a little but I feel nervous even typing out the words. I was playing around with the idea and it made me a lot more excited than I expected. But for so long I've always just assumed I was cis, I never really thought about it or had a problem with it, and now I'm just questioning everything all of a sudden. I feel like I'm appropriating but I'm also so confused? Help?
The process of trying to understand and identify your gender is not appropriation. Trying to work out whether you are cis or not isn’t appropriation. (Some labels are restricted to certain groups, but that’s a separate issue I won’t discuss here.) You are not harming trans or non-binary people by trying to figure out your own gender, or by trying to decide if you’re trans or non-binary.
You do not need to prove yourself to anyone. You don’t need to be 100% certain before you can try out labels, names or pronouns for yourself. And it’s fine to discard a label, name or pronoun that doesn’t feel right anymore. Many of us need to go through some trial-and-error in order to find something that works for us.
Experimenting is good! Mess around with your gender, try out new things. It’s okay to be confused. You have all the time in the world to figure things out, so there’s no rush.
Don’t be afraid of “What if I’m cis after all?”—even if you do ultimately decide you’re cis, you will still have learned something about yourself. You will have a better idea of who you are and what makes you happy, and that’s a great thing! It may also help you be a better friend to trans and non-binary folks. (The key here is to not assume that your experiences with gender apply to other people, i.e. don’t invalidate other people’s identities just because the concepts didn’t work for you.)
and we won’t even get started on how women are socialized to accept hyperpigmentation, acne and acne scarring, skin discoloration and uneven texture on men even though those things are considered to be extremely unattractive on a woman.
He is taking a course on Marxist ideology.
He says, “The only real solution is to smash the system and start again.”
His thumb is caressing the most bourgeois copy of the communist manifesto that I have ever seen,
He bought it at Barnes and Noble for twenty-nine U.S. American dollars and ninety-nine cents,
Its hard cover shows a dark man with a scarved face
Waving a gigantic red flag against a fictional smoky background.
The matte finish is fucking gorgeous.
He wants to be congratulated for paying Harvard sixty thousand dollars
To teach him that the system is unfair.
He pulls his iPhone from his imported Marino wool jacket, and leaves.
What people can’t possibly tell from the footage on TV
Is that the water cannon feels like getting whipped with a burning switch.
Where I come from, they fill it with sewer water and hope that they get you in the face with your mouth open
So that the hepatitis will keep you in bed for the next protest.
What you can’t tell from Harvard square,
Is that when the tear gas bursts from nowhere to everywhere all at once,
It scrapes your insides like barbed wire, sawing at your lungs.
Tear gas is such a benign term for it,
If you have never breathed it in you would think it was a nostalgic experience.
What you can’t learn at Barnes and Noble,
Is that when they rush you, survival is to run,
I am never as fast as when the police are chasing me.
I know what happens to women in the holding cells down there and yet…
We still do it.
I inherited my communist manifesto,
It has no cover—
Because my mother ripped it off when she hid it in the dust jacket of “Don Quixote”
The day before the soldiers destroyed her apartment,
Looking for subversive propaganda.
She burned the cover, could not bring herself to burn the pages,
Hoped to God the soldiers couldn’t read,
They never found it.
So she was not killed for it, but her body bore the scars of the torture chamber,
For wanting her children to have a better life than she did,
Don’t talk to me about revolution.
I know what the price of smashing the system really is, my people already tried that.
The price of uprise is paid in blood,
And not Harvard blood.
The blood that ran through the streets of Santiago,
The blood thrown alive from Argentine helicopters into the Atlantic.
It is easy to say “revolution” from the comfort of a New England library.
It is easy to offer flesh to the cause,
When it is not yours to give.
NPR Science: Sorry, Lucy: The Myth Of The Misused Brain Is 100 Percent False
ERIC WESTERVELT, HOST:
If you went to the movie theater this weekend, you might've caught the latest Scarlett Johansson action movie called "Lucy." It's about a woman who develops superpowers by harnessing the full potential of her brain.
(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "LUCY")
SCARLETT JOHANSSON:I'm able to do things I've never done before. I feel everything and I can control the elements around me.
UNIDENTIFIED MAN:That's amazing.
WESTERVELT:You've probably heard this idea before. Most people only use 10% of their brains. The other 90% of the basically dormant. Well, in the movie "Lucy," Morgan Freeman gives us this what-if scenario?
(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "LUCY")
MORGAN FREEMAN:What if there was a way of accessing 100% of our brain? What might we be capable of?
DAVID EAGLEMAN:We would be capable of exactly what we're doing now, which is to say, we do use a hundred percent of our brain.
WESTERVELT:That is David Eagleman.
EAGLEMAN:I'm a neuroscientist at Baylor College of Medicine.
WESTERVELT:And he says, basically, all of us are like Lucy. We use all of our brains, all of time.
EAGLEMAN:Even when you're just sitting around doing nothing your brain is screaming with activity all the time, around the clock; even when you're asleep it's screaming with activity.
WESTERVELT:In other words, this is a total myth. Very wrong, but still very popular. Take this clip from an Ellen DeGeneres stand-up special.
(SOUNDBITE OF STAND-UP SPECIAL)
ELLEN DEGENERES:It's true, they say we use ten percent of our brain. Ten percent of our brain. And I think, imagine what we could accomplish if we used the other 60 percent? Do you know what I'm saying?
(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "TOMMY BOY")
DAVID SPADE:Let's say the average person uses ten percent of their brain.
WESTERVELT:It's even in the movie "Tommy Boy."
(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "TOMMY BOY")
SPADE:How much do you use? One and a half percent. The rest is clogged with malted hops and bong residue.
WESTERVELT:Ariana Anderson is a researcher at UCLA. She looks at brain scans all day long. And she says, if someone were actually using just ten percent of their brain capacity...
ARIANA ANDERSON:Well, they would probably be declared brain-dead.
WESTERVELT:Sorry, "Tommy Boy." No one knows exactly where this myth came from but it's been around since at least the early 1900's. So why is this wrong idea still so popular?
ANDERSON:Probably gives us some sort of hope that if we are doing things we shouldn't do, such as watching too much TV, alcohol abuse, well, it might be damaging our brain but it's probably damaging the 90 percent that we don't use. And that's not true. Whenever you're doing something that damages your brain, it's damaging something that's being used, and it's going to leave some sort of deficit behind.
EAGLEMAN:For a long time I've wondered, why is this such a sticky myth?
WESTERVELT:Again, David Eagleman.
EAGLEMAN:And I think it's because it gives us a sense that there's something there to be unlocked, that we could be so much better than we could. And really, this has the same appeal as any fairytale or superhero story. I mean, it's the neural equivalent to Peter Parker becoming Spiderman.
WESTERVELT:In other words, it's an idea that belongs in Hollywood.
a restaurant in my hometown got a review that said the servers should “show some skin” so the owner added a potato skin special to the menu and all the proceeds from the special go to the west virginia foundation for rape information services (x)
So is it okay for a woman (trans or cis) to enjoy bondage? Or anything under the bdsm umbrella? I'm so confused and I don't want to promote abusive behavior. Btw I am not a "male feminist" hahahah. Just a curious girl :/
so here’s what’s up
i’m not really here to tell you what to do and what not to do. you should do what feels right for you.
that being said, the bdsm community represents a field where sexual/violence (particularly against women) is fetishized and normalized. theoretically, as in on paper, this could be a non-issue—if it’s between two consenting adults, they understand the implications, etc etc—BUT would you look at that? the theory doesn’t hold up. kinksters love to bombard people with elaborate descriptions of their kink, make them unwitting participants (you only have to throw a rock to find a, “my Daddy LOVES blah blah blah” note reblogged on an otherwise innocuous post for example), and really, REALLY hate it when anyone criticizes a world where violence against women sexy and fun.
the bdsm community loves to protect abusers, loves to pretend that anyone who claims abuse isn’t “doing it right,” basically loves to be giant shitholes about anything that isn’t their specific fantasy and FRANKLY i have a difficult time imagining that getting off on massive power imbalances doesn’t fuck up your interpersonal skills on a general level, you see what i’m saying?
just in case anyone wants to roll up in here all mad that i’m not “in” kink and i’m against it, fuck off. behaviors like this being normalized and dispersed in the general population is dangerous for women bc it digs a big fucking hole in an already unlevel playing field, there’s a incredibly popular post that circulates about how to do “safe” breath play when, guess what? there is no such thing, no matter how many cute cartoons of a woman getting choked you draw. when you answer crisis calls for domestic violence you have a checklist of like, ten or fifteen behaviors that are SUCH HUGE RED FLAGS that statistically they represent men who will kill their partners, and strangulation is number one.
so, the way i see it, “is it okay to enjoy this” isn’t even really a conversation we’re ready to have, because whenever someone tries to say, “this person assaulted me” or voice their concerns over cutesy cartoons that depict literally lethal behavior they’re shut down by a cavalcade of shitty, abusive comments where supposedly safe, “feminist” men call them ignorant, childish, all manner of slurs, unloveable, &c &c forever
but, if as a woman you enjoy bondage or whatever, i have two points of advice which are 1) take the time to consider why you want to/find domination erotic, question how this affects/is affected by relationships with men in your life and 2) keep yourself safe and cover your ass any way you know how because these dudes will fucking turn on you
"…I cannot see how women’s liberation can be complete without the structure of race inequality being dismantled. In line with this, how is women’s liberation complete if trans inequality remains intact? When we allow one minority to suffer persecution and inequality we leave the door open for oppression to be perpetuated on other marginalised groups.
“When minor characters who are also ethnic minorities start talking among themselves in their native tongues, they sometimes take advantage of their invisibility to say things. Sometimes they break the Fourth Wall and start ranting about the movie director. Sometimes, they spout random obscenities or natter about their lousy lunch. It’s all in not-English, so whatever they say doesn’t matter! And the actual translations of their lines can be a secret source of hilarity in films where actors are instructed to use a Gratuitous Foreign Language (GFL) in order to make a scene sound more authentic. When some Native Americans cast in Westerns were told to speak their own language to add some authenticity, these actors took the opportunity to crudely editorialize about their director, which allegedly resulted in Native American audiences (in)explicably cracking up laughing during scenes that were meant to be dramatic.”—Minorities can be marginalized in film, but not silenced. (via salon)
“My mistrust [of men] is not, as one might expect, primarily a result of the violent acts done on my body, nor the vicious humiliations done to my dignity. It is, instead, born of the multitude of mundane betrayals that mark my every relationship with a man—the casual rape joke, the use of a female slur, the careless demonization of the feminine in everyday conversation, the accusations of overreaction, the eye rolling and exasperated sighs in response to polite requests to please not use misogynist epithets in my presence.”—
on the “its acceptable for women to wear men’s clothes but not men to wear women’s clothes” thing- its always forgotten that women and girls have been fighting in small but organised ways to wear “masculine” (mostly read practical) clothing from at least the 1870s. I know women in their 80s and girls in their tweens who at some time in their life have organised in order to wear the clothes they want - from making petitions to persuade their school to let them wear shorts not gym skirts, to trade union organising at work to make sure overalls and workboots are available in women’s sizes, to being the first women in the office to wear trousers, to just turning up at social events in the clothes they want to wear - and getting solidarity from other women doing the same thing - and of course not forgetting the women who risked violence, losing their job or families, or being arresting for cross-dressing laws because of what they wore.
There just hasn’t been such a widespread and longstanding organised push from men to wear skirts or other clothes coded feminine in everyday life. That isn’t women’s fault.
I’ve reached this point with my plus sized-ness where I feel like I can no longer fight the fact that I feel extremely dissatisfied with myself in comparison to the majority of the rest of people around me.
In the past year or so I’ve made a concerted effort to try to not care about anything other than just accepting my body, however it comes. I have been purposely extremely permissive, telling myself life is too short and too ugly to deny myself certain things or force certain things on myself.
But I can’t do it. I can’t sustain it. I feel huge and gross and I can’t stop seeing all the tiny people around me. I feel like shit. I feel like shit on the high street, I felt like shit on holiday, I feel like shit around my friends here.
And so I’ve realised I need to start trying to be healthier again. I need to purposely exercise a lot, I need to exercise portion control, I need to stop inhaling pizza and all the cake.
But I feel like I’m betraying something. I feel guilty about wanting to lose weight. I feel like all the work I’ve put in to Body Positivity and fat acceptance and learning about the bullshit conditioning we all suffer under has been for nothing. And I also don’t understand how I can see people of all shapes and sizes and think ‘you’re beautiful’ to all of them, see absolutely nothing wrong with them, encourage them and support them in the idea of ‘fuck healthy, I simply accept and love me’. But I can’t apply that to myself.
I’m 6’1” and I have a strong thick pear shaped figure - ever since puberty I’ve found it hard to find clothes. But back when I was living a hardcore healthy lifestyle (which is what I did for most of my adult life), the fact I couldn’t find stuff in the shops and that I was bigger than almost everyone else I came across didn’t bother me half so much. Because I knew it wasn’t my ‘fault’ - it was just how I came. But in recent years, since I’ve been trying to let go of fat-phobia and simply enjoy life a bit more (and subsequently put on a bit more weight), I’ve felt like my size was ‘my fault’.
I feel really sad about all of this. And it also feel daunting - deciding to try working out again and eating hardcore healthily again.
Talking to my best friend about all this, she helped me realise that I would still be feeling shitty about myself if I was living this way but was thin. So that helps me realise, at least, that it is the ‘living healthy’ part that is the most important thing. But I can’t deny the fact that my size bothers me and I definitely want to lose weight. And that depresses the shit out of me.