i don’t believe that human civilization is “progressing” with time because that would require me to buy the idea that capitalism, colonialism, and white nationalism were all steps toward a brighter future and that ancient…
“It seems to me that making a false accusation of rape is considered far, far worse than committing an actual rape. I don’t just mean this in terms of the impact on the victim, but in terms of how people view the motivations and culpability of the guilty party. Rape is still considered an opportunistic crime, something that can happen almost by accident when a woman happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. That rape culture exists – and that rapists spend years absorbing the idea that they are entitled to rape – is something a great many people still refuse to accept. By contrast, making false accusations is invariably presented as calculated and malicious. It’s something a false accuser could control, if she really wanted to. Unlike the rapist, the false accuser is not destined to commit a crime; she must have been enabled by a legal system which allowed her to get away with it (usually by granting anonymity). And so it is suggested by the likes of Hodges that we can’t stop rape – sorry, potential victims! – but that we can work on stamping out false accusations. We can’t control the impulsive, violent behaviour of (mostly) men but we can control the malicious behaviour of (mostly) women. Funny, that.”—http://glosswatch.com/2014/04/15/false-rape-accusations-some-stupid-questions/ (via sexandsocialism)
“White wealth is stolen wealth. White wealth is based on the use of the free labor of our great grandparents, and the parents before them; just completely stolen. Captive wealth, brutalized wealth, enslaved wealth. And somehow we still think they are deserving of the money. Amazing attitude. This wealth is based on the colonization of African countries. The industrial revolution of Europe based upon the molasses of Jamaica, based upon the sugar crops of Jamaica. The wealth of the white South Africans and Europeans today based upon the gold, diamond, oil, and minerals taken right out of the African country, and yet we have nerve enough to think that these people are deserving of that wealth. And we have nerve enough to think that we are undeserving and that it should not belong to us.”—Dr. Amos N. Wilson (via disciplesofmalcolm)
“If we’re still conflating harassment with attraction, then the point has not been made clear enough: harassment is about power, not about sex. When making lewd comments to a woman he doesn’t know on the street, a man is not flirting. He’s asserting his dominance. He’s reminding that woman of her “place.” He’s performing a masculinity based on control. This isn’t sexual liberation.”—
There’s this shitty thing that happens when you learn about the reality of racism, sexism and misogyny. You start to hear it from the mouths of your parents, grandparents, friends and siblings and you can’t ignore it anymore but you’ll see how many of them will ignore you when you speak out about it.
The problem that needs to be fixed is not kick all the girls out of YA, it’s teach boys that stories featuring female protagonists or written by female authors also apply to them. Boys fall in love. Boys want to be important. Boys have hopes and fears and dreams and ambitions. What boys also have is a sexist society in which they are belittled for “liking girl stuff.” Male is neutral, female is specific.
I heard someone mention that Sarah Rees Brennan’s THE DEMON’S LEXICON would be great for boys, but they’d never read it with that cover. Friends, then the problem is NOT with the book. It’s with the society that’s raising that boy. It’s with the community who inculcated that boy with the idea that he can’t read a book with an attractive guy on the cover.
Here’s how we solve the OMG SO MANY GIRLS IN YA problem: quit treating women like secondary appendages. Quit treating women’s art like it’s a niche, novelty creation only for girls. Quit teaching boys to fear the feminine, quit insisting that it’s a hardship for men to have to relate to anything that doesn’t specifically cater to them.
Because if I can watch Raiders of the Lost Ark and want to grow up to be an archaeologist, there’s no reason at all that a boy shouldn’t be able to read THE DEMON’S LEXICON with its cover on. My friends, sexism doesn’t just hurt women, and our young men’s abysmal rate of attraction to literacy is the proof of it.
If you want to fix the male literary crisis, here’s your solution:
My boyfriend sexually assaulted me five years ago. We were messing around at my parents house, and somehow things were misinterpreted. We were on the floor and he pinned me against the foot of the sofa and he tried to penetrate me, I struggled and…
You don’t need to ever get over it.
I am married and have been with my husband for five years. There have been a couple of incidents when we first got together where he sexually assaulted me, without realising that that was what he was doing. This is a reality of living in a world drenched in rape culture.
Even though those things are in the past, every now and then I get a swirling rage of anger, disappointment, pain, depression, hurt, confusion, fear. Everything. I am angry at him for what he did, and I always will be. That is also part of the reality of living in a world drenched in rape culture. We have to live with the memories of violation our whole lives. Fortunately, he has enough knowledge and instinct now to know that I need to express those feelings when they resurface. I need to be allowed to cry, and to hate him for what he did, to hate the fact that he didn’t know what he was doing,to hate the world for creating those situations. I need to be allowed to be angry and confused and disappointed and to express those feelings TO HIM and for him to not justify it, to just listen and understand and apologise once more. He will always have to apologise.
This is the same for you, too. You have to allow yourself to feel the hurt and pain and fear and anger. It is too toxic to bury. And your boyfriend needs to understand and accept and even enable your feelings.
We will never get over it, and we don’t have to, and it is crazy to feel bad about not getting over it. You were violated, it is sickening, it always will be.